A new start

So, I deleted my old blog, for reasons involving people using things I said against me, divulging too much information, etc. Some of it was warranted, in that I went on kind of a crazy Ambien/vodka binge and said some stuff I shouldn't have. Still, it killed my self-esteem for a while, so I decided it was best to just wipe the slate clean. I also didn't need to be reminded of depressing past incidents.

Now I find myself back to the blogspot again. I like to write, and somehow journaling doesn't really cut it. It's good for negative/very personal thoughts that I don't necessarily want to be held accountable for, but it also feels pointless in that there is no audience, so it lacks a sense of closure.

Soulforge is a straight-up ripoff of Dragonlance, but I don't think anyone will come after me for it. It describes my current state of being at the moment, which is basically returning from a pretty low point in my life and starting to feel a lot stronger. I have let go of some things, learned a LOT of things about myself, and discovered some things I still need to heal. Thanks to a steadfast and understanding best friend and boyfriend, a few one-sided conversations with my dead mom, and an appropriately adjusted medication regimen, I am feeling a ton better than 6 months ago. I haven't had a panic attack in quite a while. My depressed thoughts are less severe and go away faster. I've had several good moods in the past few weeks, which hasn't happened since sometime last year. I have a lot more clarity about the situation that got me to that state, and better strategies for not letting it get to me like that in the future. I'm feeling more hopeful about school starting in the fall - as long as no one hateful shows up in my classes, I think next semester will be all good. And the hateful people are only a handful, so I don't think that's likely.

I'm still nervous about grad school, but have relinquished some of the pressure on myself. Basically, I have one semester to raise my GPA, and that's all I can do. They can take it or leave it. I'm not really sure what I'll do if I don't get in anywhere at all, but the chances of that seem slim. I'm not applying to Ivy Leagues or anything.

I woke up at 5:00 this morning, I don't know why. So I'm seriously dragging right now. I think I will try to go back to sleep if I can manage it. More later.