I fear a cage

Portland State is looking better and better these days. I wasn't seriously considering it at first, but it's on the list because their program is good and Portland seems cool. Its added advantage of being on the other side of the country is becoming increasingly appealing. I have been here for too long. NC has done some things for me - I've slowed down some, learned to kind of sort of relax, and stopped driving like a bat out of hell. But I'm never going to stop feeling like I have to tone down and censor myself because I "care too much." Drive and passion does not make one a freak, and I'm tired of taking crap for it. The friends I have here I can count on one hand, and it's been 8 years. And hell, they all moved to Raleigh anyhow, not that I can blame them. I've had a growing urge to just run away lately, to leave and find someplace better than this. But I can't, and next semester I will be holed up in Graham 204 at UNCG just like last semester.

I keep thinking of that scene from Lord of the Rings, where Eowyn goes out onto the steps of the castle and all she sees are endless mountains. Nowhere to go, no opportunity, no place to prove herself. Just - trapped. "I fear neither death nor pain...I fear a cage, to stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire." Yeah, I feel ya.